Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Mar 31

[Mr. Tobin's class is discussing WWI]
Mr. Tobin: "...Woodrow Wilson."
Robert: "Maan, who the fff is Woodrow Wilson?"
Mr. Tobin: "He was the president during WWI."
Robert: "That was like two-hundred-million years ago."
Mr. Tonin: "Close."
Robert: "Wasn't my president."

Monday, March 30, 2009

Mar 30

[at the end of class]
Mr. Sebacher: "Alright everyone--sit down.  Class is not over yet."
Evan: "I'm finna rotate out this jam."
Mr. Sebacher: "Can anyone translate?"
Jacquez: "He's finna be a paper doll."
Mr. Sebacher: "A paper do--"
Jacquez: "He's finna to cut out."
Mr. Sebacher: "Ah.  Very clever."

Mar 30

Mr. Sebacher: "...and so you see, Petrarch really re-invented, or re-discovered the Western concept of love as we know it."
Alexis: "Mr. Sebacher, we never know what you're saying."
Mr. Sebacher: "Now you know how I feel."
Alexis: "Mr. Sebacher you tweakin'."
Tierra: "Pssh. Man, you a LAME!"
Mr. Sebacher: "Exactly."

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Mar 24

Robert: "You're so smart, can you spell 'finna' [sic]?"
Mr. Sebacher: "What?"
Robert: "F-I-N-A. Beat you. Now who's smart?"
Mr. Sebacher: "What's going on?"

Mar 24

Mr. Tobin: "WWI trenches could be hundreds of miles long. This is where soldiers hid--they spent months in a trench. They got wet and dirty and infested with rats. Men lived there, slept there, there were compartments to eat and sleep."
Robert: "I need one of those."

Mar 24

Deandre: "Maaan, Mr. Tobin, you didn't give me any candy for my birfday, you just gave me fifteen cent."

Mar 24

Ringa: "Man, chess is the game. I learnt that on the computer when I was in Iowa."
[I don't know why this is so funny.]

Monday, March 23, 2009

Mar 23

Alexis: "Mr. Sebacher, can I go to the bathroom? I need to fornicate."
Mr. Sebacher: "Excuse me?"
Tierra: "She needs to SHIT."
Mr. Sebacher: "Do you know what fornicate means?"
Tierra: "Alexis, you'd blow out the room if you fornicated in there."
Mr. Sebacher: "Alright, everyone."
Tierra: "So would you, Mr. Sebacher!"
Mr. Sebacher: "I would wait until you're in the privacy of your home to fornicate."
Alexis: "I don't shit in the school. Do you shit in the school Mr. Sebacher? I don't."
Mr. Sebacher: "Let's all concentrate on quotation marks now."

Mar 23

Vernon: [raps incoherently]
Mr. Sebacher: "Vernon, no rapping in school."
Vernon: "Mr Sebok rock nock-nock, dickity-dock, sock-em-bok--"
Mr. Sebacher: "Does anyone know what's going on?"
Shannon: "He's a bay-bay boy."
Mr. Sebacher: "What?"
Danyl: "Ghetto."
Mr. Sebacher: "Ah."

Friday, March 20, 2009

Mar 20

Mr. Sebacher: "Karessa, I like your hairdo."
Karessa: "It's a weave."
Mr. Sebacher: "I know."

Mar 20

Deandre: [for some reason] "Vicelord! Vicelord!"
Mr. Sebacher: "Deandre, no gangbanging."
Deandre: "Alright, I feel you, Mr. Sebacher. I apologize."
Mr. Sebacher: "I forgive you."
Deandre: "Am I still student of the week next week?"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

More classics

Deandre: "It's hot as fuck in here!"
Mr. Sebacher: "Deandre, that doesn't make any sense."
Deandre: "Why not?"
---
Jonathan: "It's cold as hell in here!"
Mr. Sebacher: "Dante's Hell was freezing."
Jonathan: "What?"
Mr. Sebacher: "Dante, the Italian poet, who--"
Jonathan: "Who cares."
Mr. Sebacher: "I do."
---
Marquita: "I want to write a poem, but I have writer's block."
Mr. Sebacher: "You could write a poem about me!"
Marquita: "Who'd want to write a poem about you?"
Mr. Sebacher: "It could begin, 'Jason's hair is golden, like the sun."
Marquita: "OK."
[She gets to work.]
Marquita: "I'm done."
Mr. Sebacher: [takes the paper and reads aloud.] "'Jason's hair is golden, like the sun.  But who really cares.' Nice."

Mar 19

Niesha: "Mr. Sebacher."
Mr. Sebacher: "Whaddup?"
Destiny: "You a gangsta."
Mr. Sebacher: "Don't you forget it."

Mar 19

[The semester started two-and-a-half months ago. Students are silently working on grammar thirty minutes into class. Out of the blue.]
Natasha: "Mr. ... uh, uh..."
Mr. Sebacher: "Mr. Sebacher."
Natasha: "What class is this?"
Mr. Sebacher: "English. Welcome."

Mar 19

Niesha: "Saul, I'm going to the bathroom."
Saul: [smiles]

Classics

Mr. Sebacher: "Keith, pull up your pants! They're defying the laws of physics."
Keith: "De-what?"
---
Mr. Sebacher: "Kimberly, roll down that pant leg. There's no gangbanging around here."
Kimberly: [rolling down her pant leg] "Oh, Mr. Sebacher."
---
Mr. Sebacher: "Vernon! Quit flashing gang sings!"
Vernon: "It's a peace sign."
Mr. Sebacher: "Everything's a gang sign."
Vernon: "It means no killing."
Mr. Sebacher: "Whatever."
---
Mr. Sebacher: "I'm going to wait for everyone to stop talking so I can proceed."
Deandre: "C'mon, Mr. Sebacher! We want to learn!"
---
Alexis [to Marquita]: "Hey Chief."
Mr. Sebacher: "No gangbangning in my class."
Marquita: That's just a street name. It doesn't have to be about a gang."
Alexis: "Yeah the Indians have chiefs were they gangbangers?"
Mr. Sebacher: [erupts into laughter]
Alexis: "Firefighters have chiefs are they gangbangers?"

Mar 19

Ms. Tsupros: "Aaron if you don't get to work I'm going to give you a noogie."
Aaron: "What?! You're going to give me some nookie!"

Mar 19

Mr. Tobin: "Education is about making choices, so you can grow up and make choices in your life, so you can be a teacher or a politician or a hitman."
[class laughs]
Mr. Tobin: "And you're not stuck working at McDonald's or Tuffy's or Roto Rooter for the rest of your life."
Destiny: "What'd you say about Roto Rooter?!"
Mr. Tobin: "I--"
Destiny: "Don't you say anything bad about Roto Rooter. Because my gran'mama answers the phone at Roto Rooter."
Mr. Tobin: "Ok, it's--"
Destiny: "So I don't wanna hear you say anything bad about Roto Rooter."